He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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