...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize