i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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