She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
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Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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