Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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