garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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