Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
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She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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