I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
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Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
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I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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