I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize