Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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