anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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