My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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