Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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