I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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