I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize