i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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