my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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