I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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