He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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