Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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