Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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