he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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