used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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