So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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