my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize