we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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