dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
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