did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
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I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
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You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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