I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize