just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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