Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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