I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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