The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
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You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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