hell yes lets make some ravioli
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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