If i come over, it means nothing
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
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He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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