The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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