So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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