I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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