How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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