2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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