I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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