So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize