I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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