I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
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Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize