Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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