For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
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But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
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