Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize