Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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