my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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