I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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