so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
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What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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